I have felt for a while now like I have lost myself or changed significantly since college. If you didn’t know me in college, I am sure you know someone like me: I was that girl always in the middle of the circle. You could always hear me in a room. I wasn’t afraid of standing out or being the life of the party. You know that person I am talking about. I thought for a while that I have just changed from being an extrovert to an introvert, but a seminar I was at lately made me rethink this. The professor read part of this book to us including the quote, “Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even themselves, until some life event-” Why would I pretend to be an extrovert when I really wasn’t? Here is another quote from the book:
“Today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We’re told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable…. Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, disconnected because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we’ve turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.”
Quiet the Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Wow. That is powerful.
The truth is I was never an extrovert (I am sure some college friends would disagree) I was just really good at acting. I thought the insecurities I had about myself were less obvious if I was bold, confident, loud, happy, social, etc. The truth is pretending to be someone I am not really has left me even more insecure about my true characteristics. So I am now on a journey to embrace all of me (the REAL me- the good, the bad, the ugly):
- I HATE crowds (and will make excuses to avoid them).
- Certain people make me feel safe. Certain people do not. (and everyone who encounters me probably assumes they fall in the first category, because I would never tell you otherwise.)
- I am not shy, rude, or uptight. (most of the time.) (However, it can take a while to get to know that/me.)
- I am TERRIBLE at small talk.
- If I make the choice to spend time with you please appreciate it, because I enjoy my time to myself.
- I LOVE making other people feel special, treasured, valued.
- My love languages are: gifts (because I love the idea that someone was thinking about me when I wasn’t around) and quality time (most likely because if I spend time with you that is a sacrifice I am willing to make to show you love).
- When I read a novel I get caught up in it easily and it is difficult for me to pull myself out of that shell.
- I am working on finding a balance between meeting my introvert needs and serving along-side Daniel in his youth ministry.
- Even though I am an introvert I still desire praise. (I rarely ask for it though)
I confess that for a long time I pretended to be something I wasn’t, but no more giving into the idea that extroverts are better! Hi my name is Jodi and I am an introvert…. and that isn’t a problem.
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