This is our Story of Redemption

As of three months ago my husband is officially a full-time youth minister. Subsequently that means as of three months ago I am officially a youth minister's wife. I remember praying as a hormone raging teenager for the Lord to send Mr. Right my way. He needed to be a believer, hilarious, good looking, loving, athletic, and I didn't care what he did as long he had a job that was not in the military or the Church. A little specific, I know. I didn't want a military man for obvious reasons. The idea of fighting in wars and being without him for extended periods of time seemed terrifying. I didn't want a husband who worked in the Church because despite what most people realize they go to war each day as well. This war is much more intimate though. Church is a place where people usually feels very safe and because of that when sin enters in and attacks it can hurt much more. I have seen it first hand. 

However, here I am, in love with a man who loves the Church so much he cannot imagine himself doing anything else. And my fears have come true. I am sure other minister's wives would agree with me when I say being the wife of a minister is a job in itself. Growing up I thought that job was mostly baking casseroles and praying, neither of which I did enough. I thought pastor's wives had to be perfect, the purest, the most devoted. Thankfully I have come to realize that my expectations of these woman are a little exaggerated. I have been fighting this idea that I have to be perfect to be in this role, which lead me to write this blog. I think a problem with the Church is that even though it is a place for the broken and redeemed we put on the facade that our lives are perfect. This has allowed the devil to whisper into the hearts of people like me, "True Christians don't have problems. If you were a better believer you would have it all together." I am writing this blog to confess my imperfections, failures, and triumphs in order to be a light to those who are hurting, in need of a savior, and those who will never live up to the standard we currently set for ourselves, perfection. 

Here is my confession: I am afraid of failing as a pastor's wife because I know the importance of this role. But even more than that I am afraid of making no difference at all.